Categories: All - thoughts - control

by Emily Hartl 5 years ago

112

Disorders

A person describes their struggle with schizoaffective disorder, detailing how they feel possessed by shadows that control their every action and thought. The individual perceives themselves as an empty vessel, unable to differentiate their own thoughts from those inserted by the shadows.

Disorders

Emily

C-PTSD

disconnected from self and reality
trauma implanted shadows within me
lack of motivation/interest in daily life
emotions feel scattered
constantly feeling unsafe
avoid situations where i am alone with men or strangers and in crowds
fear men
hyper-vigilant for threat
fear others are going to harm me
dissociation
outsider looking on at my life unfold
disconnected from own body

Depression

lost sense of life
nothing fees real
the shadows keep the little human left in me alive
i eat, breathe
excessive guilt
any positive emotion will enrage the shadows
incapable of life
lost
defeated
empty
already feel dead inside - my physical form doesn't follow
a burden to others
weak
desire to hide/hibernate from the world
lack of motivation to participate in life
difficulty to do menial tasks
life is not worth living
deserve to be dead
hopeless
worthless

OCD

paranoia about leaving appliances on, doors unlocked
i will cause a car accident or harm
appliances will start a fire
fear dogs will escape
images of harm done to others
reoccuirng sense of imending doom
fear that I will leave an appliance on and cause harm

Anorexia

Fear eating
feel out of control with eating

the shadows force me to consume food without my conscious control or acceptance

meat

feeding and coinciding with the shadows

taking life is evidence that the shadows are more in control of me and doing evil actions

taking souls

feel i am absorbing the animals consciousness

gives the illusion of control
fear poisoned through food
unworthy/deserving of food/nourishment

passive death

form of punishment

body image

don't recognise self refleciton

don't want male attention

want to shrink down and not exist

disgusted by self

foreign body concept

feeding and strengthening the shadows

diminishes the amount of me left

coerces me to do further evil acts

fat fosters the evil

fill me with more anger and desire to do harm

Anxiety

fear and parnaoia
anticipating and fearing the worst
constant second guessing everything

Schizoaffective

Shadows
killing self will cause the shadows to fragment and inhabit others

i will be sent to a place filled with shadows

appear as spiders to outsiders
watch me - silhouetted beings

they watch me

make sure i don't disobey them

report my doings to a higher being

it's as though they're in another dimension

judge me

inhabit objects around me

fear they inhabit friends

cause the shadows within me to strengthen

trick me to let down my guard

also inhabit friends or passerbys

possessed by the shadows

feel like i need to protect my brain from the shadows

stop filing my brain with their thoughts

need to stop their absorption into my mind

they want to cause destruction and harm

use me to get to leaders and gain control

shadows move through me to other people

use me as a vessel to get to the human world

fear they will be transferred into other

isolate self so they cannot get to others

little human remains that isn't possessed by the shadows

cannot differentiate what was real or implanted by the shadows

fear that outsiders will perceive the shadows within me

fear i will contaminate outsiders with the shadows

result in harm or humiliation of me

outsiders are conspiring against me

outsiders will want to get rid of the shadows and me

control me

parasitic growth inside me

they want to gain complete control over me so soon they won't need me as a vessel

no longer have own conscious control of self

don't have own thoughts

empty vessel

consumption of food empowers and strengthens them

cause them to insert more thoughts into my head and their actions

increases their control of me

this body does not feel mine

imprisoned by this flesh

the world does not feel real

it's as though it's a projection from the shadows

i see glimmers and flickering that indicate this world is aprojeciton

i cannot trust my perception as truth

it's like watching a film unfold without being able to control it

i move without knowledge

threaten to use me to harm others

feel like images on the news and bad things are threats from the shadow that they will then do harm to loved ones that these are actions from other people who are possessed entirely by the shadows

the shadows within me will soon cause harm to my loved ones

i must obey their orders

they have a predetermined plan of what i have to do

my body moves wihtout conscious control - i am observer of my life without control

absorb their consciousness

absorb thoughts of consciousness from other people

memories are implanted by the shadows

they are projections from their world to paint an image they condone

they scream in my ears and whisper words in another language that i cannot understand

Show me images of harm done to others

cannot differentiate my thoughts from theirs

my mind is scattered with words i cannot understand

brain is polluted by thoughts of the shadows

think i need to do harm