Four Strategies

Being in engaged listener is an important part of effective communication because it helps you better analyze the issue, and encourages the same type of listening when you are sharing your ideas. Some tips to help become a more engaged listener are:

focusing fully on the speaker is a helpful tactic in order for you to master engaged listening. If you are having trouble staying focused, a way to get past this is by repeating the words they are saying over in your head.

Favouring your right ear helps you detect the more emotional meanings to what someone is saying, so if possible try to lean closer with your right ear.

Try to avoid interrupting or redirecting the conversation to your concerns. If you are focusing on what you are going to say next to counter, or respond to the person talking then that takes away from the listening experience. It can be distracting to think about what you're going to say next, and if you are not paying full attention to the speaker you may miss the meaning of their message.

While listening, it is important to show your interest in what is being said. To show that you are interested you can engage in the conversation by nodding, smiling and small verbal comments.

While you are in the act of listening, it is best to set aside judgement as well as you can. If you judge someone too quickly, you will not grasp the full meaning of what they are trying to tell you.

To show you were listening, when they are finished speaking you can provide helpful feedback, these should be phrased as "what I'm hearing is..." or "sounds like you are saying..." to show you heard what they said. However, when giving feedback it is important to not just repeat what the person was saying word for word.

A person's body language is highly important while conversing, and if you look closely you may even find a whole new meaning behind the message you are hearing. While reading body language, it is important to take age, culture, religion, gender and emotional state into consideration before judging what a person means. All of these different groups may have different nonverbal cues that you need to be aware of. It is also important not to get too hung up on one certain nonverbal cue, and instead reflect on the nonverbal cues you picked up on as a whole while conversing with someone. Tips for improving your use of nonverbal signs are:

Learning to use nonverbal signals that match up with your words. While you're speaking you must ensure that what you are saying lines up with your body language. For example, if you swear you are telling the truth, however you will not make eye contact with the person you are telling this too, they may not believe you.

Ensuring that you are adjusting your nonverbal signals according to the context of the conversation. Be sensitive to the emotional state and cultural background of the person that you are conversing with. It is important to make them feel comfortable and welcome in the conversation, and a way of doing this is by being sensitive with your nonverbal cues.

Avoiding negative body language. The use of negative body language may portray the fact that you do not want to be participating in the conversation. Instead, opt for open and engaged body language such as eye contact and smiling as you speak.

Keeping your stress in check is vital while conversing with others, especially if the conversation is of importance. Staying calm will help keep the conversation clear and concise and will ensure that you are in control of the conversation and every word that you're saying is being heard how you want it to. Being stressed during a conversation can lead to things being abruptly said and being interpreted incorrectly by others. There are a few strategies that can be used to stay calm under pressure, these include: using stalling tactics, only making one point, delivering your words clearly and wrapping up your conversation with a summary. Some helpful tactics that can be used to keep your stress in check during a conversation are:

Recognizing when you’re becoming stressed. Getting to know the ways your body tells you that you are stressed out is vital when navigating a world of conversations. Your body may show its stress by giving you sweaty hands, making you feel faint, a headache, etc. Recognizing these signs and allowing yourself to take a break from the conversation when you begin to get stressed out will help you stay more levelheaded and calmer.

Taking a moment to calm down during a heated conversation will help you recuperate and brainstorm how you can move the conversation along in a more peaceful manner.

Using your senses to help relieve stress. Your senses (sight, sound, touch, taste, smell, or movement) are very useful in stress relief, you just must find what is right for your body. Using a stress ball, fidgeting toys, or even chewing gum to help you calm down.

Looking for humour in the situation is a great way to relieve stress for you and those around you, when used appropriately. Sometimes cracking a joke is a great way to lighten the mood, and help people feel more at ease while communicating.

Being willing to compromise and keeping an open mind is highly important while conversing. Compromising and finding a way where both parties are happy helps relieve stress of those who were up against each other in conversation. Keeping an open mind from the beginning of the conversation also helps the other person open up more, knowing that the conversation does not have to be a battle, therefore making the conversation more at ease and less stressful.

Be willing to agree to disagree, sometimes in a conversation both parties must recognize their differences and settle with the fact that neither party accomplished what they sought out to do. Agreeing to disagree is a friendly way to end conversations such as these and to remain civil between one another.

Being assertive in a conversation is a great way to share all your thoughts and ideas out on the table, this is not to be confused with dominating the conversation and not letting others speak. In a conversation, everyone involved should be assertive, this ensures that everyone has an equal chance to share their ideas, and nothing gets left behind. There are multiple different strategies one can use to improve their assertiveness, these include: valuing yourself and your opinions, knowing your needs and wants, expressing negative thoughts, receiving feedback positively, and learning to say no. There are different ways that you can use your assertiveness in a conversation, including:

Empathetic assertion focuses on being assertive within the mood of the conversation. While using empathetic assertion, one must be sensitive to the emotional state of the other person, give recognition to their situation and then state your needs or opinion.

Escalating assertion gives a person multiple chances to improve their actions, with discipline if needed. Escalating assertion allows you to become increasingly firm as time progresses, and only outlining consequences if you must. The goal being that your firmness is enough to keep the person in check, without having to do any actual discipline. An example of this is being given a warning by a police officer, however next time it will be a ticket.

The best way to become more assertive is to practice in low-risk situations, this is how you will be able to find what mode of assertion works best for you. Practicing with friends and family can also help you grow confidence in the field of assertiveness, and allow you to workshop different ideas for different situations.