The Science of Happiness
Sources
Instead I'm going to share two divergent paths of happiness that happened in 2016.
When I lost everything that society valued.
Constant struggle to pay the bills.
Moved back in with my parents.
Had to leave friends and girlfriend behind in Chicago.
And one of my best friends earned everything that society valued.
6-figure paycheck.
Beautiful apartment with a lakefront view.
Great girlfriend who everyone loved.
#1 Focus on being useful.
"I can see Jim that you are very worried about being successful. Why not concern yourself with being useful?"
– Peter Drucker in a conversation with Jim Collins.
We spend most of our time focused on becoming successful.
The more you focus on yourself and your success, the more it will hurt when things don't go your way.
When it's being useful that leads to genuine fulfillment.
When you focus on being useful to others, however, you find the will to persevere through hard times because you're working for something bigger than your immediate problems.
#3 Connection with others.
Human beings made their way out of you food chain for two very distinct reasons.
Our intelligence
Our ability to cooperate.
Once again, we get The Influence Pyramid backward on this.
Choose the better path
#1 Focus on being useful, not successful.
#2 Focus on being authentic, not "liked" by everyone.
#3 Focus on connection, not attention.
Being authentic is scary at first. It takes courage to be vulnerable and honest about who you are.
But those fears disappear. And what's left is a solid foundation of genuine confidence in yourself – which leads to genuine connection with others.
*Use the arrow keys to start.
This is an ongoing, humbling process that helps you understand more about yourself and gain confidence in your authentic self.
After spending over a year trying to understand why this happened, I discovered what money really buys you.
Comfort
Fun
Attention
#2 Be honest and authentic.
The first step towards becoming more authentic, is to let go of the idea that you know what other people want for you.
Other people barely know what they want for themselves. Let alone you.
So rather than worrying about what they will think of you, give them the gift of seeing you as your authentic self.
With these things you will find moments of happiness. But that's all they'll be, moments.
Eventually you'll get used to your level of comfort.
The party will end.
And the attention you get wont last.
So the next time you're tempted to believe one of these will make you happy...
Comfort
Fun
Attention
When you face those harsh realities, you have two options:
Assume that you just didn't get "enough" of these things and try to get even more.
Begin the journey to genuine fulfillment.
We all have a primal desire for connection.
Not just in love, but in friendships, teams, and communities.
For millions of years, humans survived by living in groups of 30-50 people in an environment where we relied on each other.
Every time you embrace your desire to be useful to another person, to be your authentic self, and be a great friend, family member, or member of your community, you earn genuine happiness.
This question has been on my mind for years.
Why is it that we have so much prosperity...
And so little happiness?
Don't worry, this isn't going to be a corny, "money won't buy you happiness" message.
Because that does nothing to actually help you achieve happiness.
This was the key difference between me and my friend in 2016.
Although I woke up every day with the shame of living in my parents basement...
I spent every moment working on my book as my authentic self.
And he woke up every day with a beautiful view of the Chicago skyline...
Meanwhile his authentic self was wishing he was in New York.