Communicating with Children

What is Communicating?

The exchange of:

information

ideas

feelings

thoughts

It is a two-way process where one person sends information while another takes it in and interprets the message.

Typically, this process is then reversed.

What is a Message?

The substance of a communication

Usually are the point or points conveyed.

MIXED MESSAGES:

Simultaneously sent messages that are contradictory in meaning.

Often the verbal and non-verbal messages don’t match.

Types of Communication:

VERBAL:

It is orally spoken and choosing exactly the right word increases the chances of your listener understanding the message you want to send.

NON-VERBAL:

It is understood through body language or simply communicating without words.

This includes:

body posture

facial expressions

gestures

tone of voice

WRITTEN:

It is using words on a surface to create a message.

Communication as Nurturing:

Nurturing is to care for and encourage the growth or development.

Caring, sensitive, loving verbal and non-verbal communication is how one nurtures a child.

Using “I’ statements, refraining from violent and abusive behaviour, all support nurturing.

Hugs, kisses, participating in play time with the child, are all nurturing behaviours.

The Goal Is NON-VIOLENT PARENTING:

The nurturing philosophy of non-violent parenting focuses on:

the development of empathy

self-worth

self-awareness

empowerment

discipline with dignity

appropriate family roles

age-appropriate expectations of children's development.

What is Active Listening?

Active Listening is a communication technique that requires the listener to understand, interpret, and evaluate what they hear.

The ability to listen actively can improve personal relationships through reducing conflicts, strengthening cooperation, and fostering understanding.

Techniques of listening, interpreting, and reflecting are used to demonstrate Active Listening.

Listening:

Listen carefully to what the person is saying and do your best to interpret how they are feeling.

Interpreting:

In your mind, try and make meaning to what the person is trying to say. Identify feelings, needs and desires. If you have a pen and paper jot this information down to prepare you for the next step.

Reflecting:

It is restating the message using ones own words and sentence structure.

Degrees of ACTIVE LISTENING:

REPEATING:

Perceiving

Paying attention

Remembering

Repeating the message using exactly the same words used by the speaker.

PARAPHRASING:

Perceiving

Paying attention

Remembering

Rendering the message using similar words and similar phrase arrangement to the ones used by the speaker.

REFLECTING:

Perceiving

Paying attention

Remembering

Rendering the message using your own words and sentence structure.

Do I Love Myself?

Sometimes I love myself, sometimes I don’t. Usually it depends on how I feel that day. If I’m sad I won’t love myself, but if I'm jolly and happy, then I will love myself. Overall the amount I love myself is a bit under 50%.

Do I accept myself for who I am?

I do accept myself quite a lot. I accept my different personalities, my behaviour, and I understand myself well. So, I understand how and why I would feel something or act in a way.

How does this impact my relationships?

My relationships are mostly healthy relationships. But, some may be a bit toxic due to me depending on others a lot for getting love.

How does this impact my behaviour towards my child?

I may not be there for my child physically but I will be there for them if they need me emotionally. I understand a lot of internal feelings and I think I could be a good parent and role model for my child.

Play as the Leading Source of Development in Children

Play is serious business.

The pioneering developmental psychologist:
Lev Vygotsky thought that, in the preschool years, play is the leading source of development.

Through play, children learn and practice many basic social skills.

They develop a sense of self

learn to interact with other children

how to make friends

how to lie

and learn how to role-play

Mildred Paten Study:

The classic study of how play develops in children was carried out by Mildred Parten in the late 1920s at the Institute of Child Development in Minnesota.

She closely observed children between the ages of 2 and 5 years and categorized their play into six types.

Parten collected data by systematically sampling the children's behaviour.

She observed them for pre-arranged 1 minute periods which were varied systematically (Parten, 1933).

Paten’s 6 Categories of Children’s Play:

1) Unoccupied play: the child is relatively stationary and appears to be performing random movements with no apparent purpose.

A relatively infrequent style of play.

2) Solitary play: the child is are completely engrossed in playing and does not seem to notice other children.

Most often seen in children between 2 and 3 years-old.

3) Onlooker play: child takes an interest in other children's play but does not join in.

May ask questions or just talk to other children, but the main activity is simply to watch.

4) Parallel play: the child mimics other children's play but doesn't actively engage with them.

For example they may use the same toy.

5) Associative play: now more interested in each other than the toys they are using.

This is the first category that involves strong social interaction between the children while they play.

6) Cooperative play: some organization enters children's play.

For example the playing has some goal and children often adopt roles and act as a group.

Maria Montessori: Education:

Practicing motor skills helps children interact with their environment.

Teachers must provide the right materials when children are ready to master particular skills.

Children are self-motivated learners that complete activities on their own.

HighScope: Education:

HighScope is a learning model which originated in the USA in the 1960’s.

It is used in the preschool and elementary school settings.

The philosophy behind HighScope is based on child development theory and research, originally drawing on the work of Jean Piaget and John Dewey.

Considered active participatory learning.

Children and adults learn best through hands-on experiences with people, materials, events, and ideas.

SIGMUND FREUD:

According to Freud, child development is described as a series of 'psychosexual stages.'

Freud outlined these stages as oral, anal, phallic, latency and genital.

Each stage involves the satisfaction of a sexual desire and can later play a role in adult personality.

If a child does not successfully complete a stage, Freud suggested that he or she would develop a fixation that would later influence adult personality and behaviour.

Oral Stage(Birth - 1 year):

During the oral stage, the infant's primary source of interaction occurs through the mouth, so the rooting and sucking reflex is especially important.

The mouth is vital for eating, and the infant derives pleasure from oral stimulation through gratifying activities such as tasting and sucking.

Because the infant is entirely dependent upon caretakers (who are responsible for feeding the child), the infant also develops a sense of trust and comfort through this oral stimulation.

The primary conflict at this stage is the weaning process--the child must become less dependent upon caretakers.

If fixation occurs at this stage, Freud believed the individual would have issues with dependency or aggression.

Oral fixation can result in problems with drinking, eating, smoking or nail biting.

The Anal Stage(1-3 years):

During the anal stage, Freud believed that the primary focus of the sexual drive was on controlling bladder and bowel movements.

The major conflict at this stage is toilet training--the child has to learn to control his or her bodily needs. Developing this control leads to a sense of accomplishment and independence.

According to Freud, success at this stage is dependent upon the way in which parents approach toilet training.

Parents who utilize praise and rewards for using the toilet at the appropriate time encourage positive outcomes and help children feel capable and productive.

Freud believed that positive experiences during this stage served as the basis for people to become competent, productive and creative adults.

However, not all parents provide the support and encouragement that children need during this stage.

Instead, some parents may punish, ridicule or shame a child for accidents.

According to Freud, inappropriate parental responses can result in negative outcomes.

If parents take an approach that is too lenient, Freud suggested that an anal-expulsive personality could develop in which the individual has a wasteful or destructive personality.

If parents are too strict or begin toilet training too early, Freud believed that an anal-retentive personality develops in which the individual is stringent, orderly, rigid and obsessive.

The Phallic Stage(3-5 years):

During the phallic stage, the primary focus of the libido is on the genitals.

At this age, children also begin to discover the differences between males and females.

Freud, however, believed that girls instead experience penis envy.

Freud also believed that boys begin to view their fathers as a rival for the mother’s affections.

The Oedipus complex describes these feelings of wanting to possess the mother and the desire to replace the father.

The child also fears that he will be punished by the father for these feelings, a fear Freud termed castration anxiety.

The term Electra complex has been used to described a similar set of feelings experienced by young girls.

The Latent Period(6 years all the way to Puberty):

The stage begins around the time that children enter into school and become more concerned with peer relationships, hobbies and other interests.

The latent period is a time of exploration in which the sexual energy is still present, but it is directed into other areas such as intellectual pursuits and social interactions.

This stage is important in the development of social and communication skills and self-confidence.

The Genital Stage(Puberty to Death):

During the final stage of psychosexual development, the individual develops a strong sexual interest in the opposite sex.

This stage begins during puberty but last throughout the rest of a person's life.

Where in earlier stages the focus was solely on individual needs, interest in the welfare of others grows during this stage.

If the other stages have been completed successfully, the individual should now be well-balanced, warm and caring. The goal of this stage is to establish a balance between the various life areas.

Erik Erikson: – The Stages of Psychosocial Development:

Erik Erikson is one of the best-known theorists of personality in psychology.

Erikson believed that personality develops by way of stages.

Erikson’s theory focuses on the impact social experiences have across the lifespan.

Erikson’s main element of personality development is the development of the ego identity.

Ego identity is the conscious sense of self that we develop through social interaction.

Erikson believed that our ego is constantly changing due to new experiences and information we acquire in our daily interactions with others.

Each stage of development is concerned with becoming competent in a particular area in one’s life.

If the stage is handled well, the person will feel a sense of mastery, which he called ego strength.

If the stage is managed poorly, the person will emerge with a sense of inadequacy.

Psychological Stage 1: Trust v.s. Mistrust

From birth to age one year.

Fundamental to life.

Because an infant is utterly dependent, the development of trust is based on the dependability and quality of the child’s caregivers.

If a child successfully develops trust, they will feel safe in the world.

Caregivers who are inconsistent, emotionally unavailable, or rejecting contribute to feelings of mistrust in the children they care for.

Failure to develop trust will result in fear and a belief that the world is inconsistent and unpredictable.

Psychological Stage 2: Autonomy vs Shame and Doubt

Develops during early childhood.

Focuses on children developing a great sense of personal control.

Erikson believed that toilet training was a vital part of this process.

They believed that learning to control one’s bodily functions leads to a feeling of control and a sense of independence.

Other important events include gaining more control over food choices, toy preferences, and clothing selection.

Children who successfully complete this stage feel secure and confident, while those who do not are left with a sense of inadequacy and self-doubt.

Psychological Stage 3: Initiative v.s. Guilt

Preschool years.

Children begin to assert their power and control over the world through directing play and other social interaction.

Children who are successful at this stage feel capable and able to lead others. Those who fail to acquire these skills are left with a sense of guilt, self-doubt and lack of initiative.

Psychological Stage 4: Industry vs Inferiority:

This stage covers the early school years from approximately age 5 to 11.

Through social interaction, children begin to develop a sense of pride in their accomplishments and abilities.

Children who are encouraged and commended by parents and teachers develop a feeling of competence and belief in their skills.

Those who receive little or no encouragement from parents, teachers, or peers will doubt their ability to be successful.

Psychological Stage 5: Identity v.s. Confusion:

During adolescence, children are exploring their independence and developing a sense of self.

Those who receive proper encouragement and reinforcement through personal exploration will emerge from this stage with a strong sense of self and a feeling of independence and control.

Those who remain unsure of their beliefs and desires will feel insecure and confused about themselves and the future.
This is called an identity crisis.

Psychological Stage 6: Intimacy vs Isolation:

This stage covers the period of early adulthood when people are exploring personal relationships.

Erikson believed it was vital that people develop close, committed relationships with other people.

Those who are successful at this step will develop relationships that are committed and secure.

REMEMBER!!!!!!!!

Each step builds on skills learned in previous steps. Erikson believed that a strong sense of personal identity was important to developing intimate relationships.

Studies have demonstrated that those with a poor sense of self tend to have less committed relationships and are more likely to suffer emotional isolation, loneliness, and depression.

Psychological Stage 7: Generativity v.s. Stagnation:

During adulthood, we continue to build our lives, focusing on our career and family.

Those who are successful during this phase will feel that they are contributing to the world by being active in their home and community.

Those who fail to attain this skill will feel unproductive and uninvolved in the world.

Psychological Stage 8: Integrity vs Despair:

This phase occurs during old age and is focused on reflecting back on life.

Those who are unsuccessful during this phase will feel that their life has been wasted and will experience many regrets.

The individual will be left with feelings of bitterness and despair.

Those who feel proud of their accomplishments will feel a sense of integrity.

Successfully completing this phase means looking back with few regrets and a general feeling of satisfaction.

These individuals will attain wisdom, even when confronting death.

Jean Piaget:

Best known for his research on children's cognitive development, Piaget studied the intellectual development of his own three children.

Piaget's theory described stages that children pass through in the development of intelligence and formal thought processes.

There are four stages to his theory:

The Sensorimotor Stage.

The Preoperational Stage.

The Concrete Operational Stage.

Lastly, The Formal Operational Stage.

The Sensorimotor Stage: (Birth – Age 2):

A period between birth and age two during which an infant's knowledge of the world is limited to his or her sensory perceptions and motor activities.

Behaviours are limited to simple motor responses caused by sensory stimuli.

Preoperational Stage (Two – Six Years):

A child learns language(s).

During this stage, children do not yet understand concrete logic, cannot mentally manipulate information, and are unable to take the point of view of other people.

The Concrete Operational Stage (7-11 Years):

A period between ages seven and eleven during which children gain a better understanding of mental operations.

Children begin thinking logically about concrete events, but have difficulty understanding abstract or hypothetical concepts.

The Formal Operation Stage (12 years to Adulthood):

When people develop the ability to think about abstract concepts.

Skills such as logical thought, deductive reasoning, and systematic planning also emerge during this stage.

Authoritative Parenting:

also known as Balanced Parenting

It is a child-centered approach that encourages children to be independent but still places limits and controls on their behaviour.

It is characterized by:

Warmth

Support

Acceptance

Indirect positive control of children

Authoritarian Parenting:

It a parenting style that is:

Restrictive

Punitive in nature

The parents exhort the child to follow their directions explicitly.

There is a higher level of parental control and use of punishment.

Permissive Parenting:

also known as Indulgent Parenting:

It is nondirective and lenient.

Parents are nurturing and accepting, but place few demands or controls on them.

They do not require children to regulate themselves or behave appropriately.

Children never learn to control their behaviour and always get their way.

Neglected Parenting:

also known as Uninvolved Parenting:

Doesn't have a time out for children

Children can do anything and parents won't say anything or stop them.

Parents are either too busy in other things that they don't have time for the children at all.

Sometimes the parents don't care much about the child or have limited knowledge on how to raise a child.

Some children feel as if they are worthless or nobody likes them or wants to talk to them due to feeling neglected from their own parents. Who are supposed to love them and support them the most.

Overprotective Parenting:

also known as Helicopter Parenting:

Has too many time outs for children

Parents are also too busy to spend any time with the children just like neglected parenting styles.

Children can't go anywhere without parents always knowing where they are.

Children tend to rebel against parents rules and parenting skills.