HOW DO RELATIONSHIPS DEVELOP?
How to manage interpersonal conflict?
(Hocker & Wilmot, 1991) Conflict is an expressed struggle
between at least two interdependent individual who perceives incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals
Two positive ways to manage conflict
defensive climate
threatening one another's interpersonal needs
supportive climate
focuses on the task or problems to be solved instead of the judgments of others
also characterized by spontaneous, honest, and open communication in which people ask each other's opinion and actively listen to the responses
(Stewart, 1998)
Listen to each other
do not mind read or second-guess each other
stick to the subject. don't bring up old issues
show respect and empathy
avoid arguing over details. stick to the main points
work it out, don't quit
choose a time when you will not be distracted by family or others
show the other person that you really heard what he or she said
remain calm
forgive and accept each other
Knapp's model of relational development
Guide us through the discussion of common stages in relationships
Offer insights into common characteristics that relationships share over time
Two types of stages
Coming Together
Initiating
short conversation
making initial judgements
Experimenting
share personal information
continue to get to know each other better
intensifying
recognize a desire to see each other more frequently
intergrating
recognize a relationship and start planning activities with their partner
if one is missing, people will ask about the other
bonding
seek to formalize the relationship
eg: marriage or through a joint venture like buying a house
Growing apart
differentiating
start emphasizing individuals differences instead of their similarities and common ground
circumscribing
spend less time together
the time they spend together are farther and farther apart
communication interaction decreases and takes on a negative tone
stagnating
actively engage in other activities
joint activities are not dynamic and require a little interaction
avoiding
actively avoid each other, viewing the other as in the way
while conversations may increase, so does the level of frustration and disagreement
terminating
participants part ways and are no longer seen by others or themselves as a couple