My Battle with Ego

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Unless you have the strength to look at the data, look at your flaws, and become aware of what's really happening.

The latter will take honesty, it will take courage, and it will require that you overcome the greatest enemy we all face – the ego.

The former is focused on gaining attention, competing with others, and will lead to a life of constant need for validation of your sense of importance.

So I followed my planning process (which you can now use as well), which clearly showed that social media is my least profitable marketing channel, is the biggest threat to scientific truth, and a powerful ally of my ego.

There is only one thing the Universe cares about – what I do.

As you can see, I never looked back.

It trains your ego.

This is the ego in its purest form.

So who was to blame?

And of course, I blamed myself for being, "such an idiot" for putting myself in this position.

I blamed bad luck for this happening at the same time as I decided to shut down some of my course revenue to focus on product development.

I blamed my management company for not giving me a chance to prove the value of Airbnb as a marketing tool.

Here is each step I've taken since then in pursuit of bringing my best self to every moment.

#7 "To be," or "To do?"

But every moment that you choose "to do," the volume of the ego grows a little quieter – and your best-self makes the world a little better for the people around you.

The temptation to seek attention, to blame others for problems, and to give in to the comforting voice of the ego will be with all of us until we die.

Or do I want "to do important things?"

In other words, do I want "to be important?"

#6 Create a concrete plan.

This understanding led me to a profound question highlighted in Ryan Holiday's book, Ego is the Enemy – "To be," or "To do."

Instead, I needed to understand that social media is a reality, and my best-self needs to account for it.

However, ego is just as likely to convince me that I'm "righteous" for leaving social media. And that I should just hit the "eject button."

#5 Leave social media.

Whatever benefits come from social media, this wasn't worth the price to me.

It trains you to see the world in terms of objects, that you can use for your own validation.

With every post, tweet, and instagram, you worry about what other people will think about it.

Social media trains your brain to favor talk over action.

There is one place where ego loves to convince me that talking is the same as doing – social media.

#4 Understand what makes a difference.

Ego wants you to believe that saying you're "an environmentalist" is good enough. The environment, however, doesn't care what you say. It cares about the consequences of your actions.

The Universe doesn't care what I say, it doesn't care what I think, it doesn't care about my dreams, vision, or all the things I'm "going to do."

One of the hardest lessons I had to learn through this process is discovering what really matters.

#3 Notice your thoughts and emotions.

Taking time to simply notice how your emotions influence your thoughts in this way can help you overcome those negative feelings about yourself.

My ego turned a perfectly rational feeling of being tired from working all day, to the idea that I'm, "not cut out to be an entrepreneur."

Immediately, this feeling turned to negative thoughts about my self-worth.

Last week, I was exhausted after a long day of work.

So many of our judgments about ourselves are subconscious responses to our emotions.

#2 Increase your self-awareness.

It hurts looking at your own failures. But if you have the will to look at them, you have the ability to make good decisions about them.

So the ego turns to blame someone or something for why you're not successful.

If your goals and progress are vague or abstract, you have no idea how to improve.

The next place that my ego was hiding was in the results.

#1 Create a sleep routine.

My determination to solve this problem, rather than blame people for it, finally gave me the motivation I needed to do it.

I've struggled for a long time to establish a sleep routine.

The worries that run through your head as you try to sleep are the ego nagging at you incessantly.

If you struggle to get to sleep at night, you can thank your ego.

Blaming someone for a problem doesn't solve it.

It doesn't matter.

As I was experiencing all of these emotions, I realized just how dangerous the ego can be.

At that moment in April, I decided that my number one goal for however long it takes...

I will defeat my ego by bringing my best self to every moment.

Ego has held many definitions throughout history, but I think of it as my internal "Politician."

So I now had to make 2 rent payments. Goodbye, free cost of living.

Which also included paying the rent on the empty place until they could find a replacement tenant.

When you face tough circumstances like I did in April, ego is there to tell you that it's everyone else's fault.

Ego is worried about what you say, how you look, and what others think about you.

It only feeds your ego.

Then just as I took one of my biggest business risks yet, the management company evicted me for breaking the lease agreement.

Back in April, I fell flat on my face.

Living in Florida, I recognized a huge opportunity this winter to Airbnb my place in downtown St. Petersburg.

My ego immediately started blaming everyone for the problem.

This short-term comfort comes at a terrible cost.

The only way out, is to confront your failures, and learn from them.

The further you dig yourself into this hole, the more you will have to continue blaming others until you finally start blaming yourself.

You will almost certainly lash out with your blame and make everything worse.

When a problem isn't your fault, then you won't feel that you have to solve it.

Through March, I flourished. With Airbnb taking my mind off my cost of living, I was able to explore new revenue streams and take risks.

In January alone, I made more than twice my rent.

Naturally, I chose to rent another unit in the building and essentially live for free!

Airbnb Place

My Place

However, I didn't tell the management company the truth. Just that it would be used for, "business purposes."

My Battle with Ego How I Got Out of My Own Way

Sources

My message to my landlord:

4. Quit social media | Dr. Cal Newport | TEDxTysons. (2016, September 19). Retrieved June 22, 2017, from https://youtu.be/3E7hkPZ-HTk

3. Tang, Y., Lu, Q., Geng, X., Stein, E., Yang, Y., & Posner, M. (2010). Short-term Meditation Induces White Matter Changes In The Anterior. Cingulate. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 15649-15652.

2. "Wandering mind not a happy mind." http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2010/11/wandering-mind-not-ahappymind/

1. Ryan Holiday (Author), 6-14-2016, "Ego Is the Enemy: Ryan Holiday: 9781591847816: Amazon.com: Books,"