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And my friend grew more depressed.

But for some reason, I grew happier with each passing day...

This was the key difference between me and my friend in 2016.

And he woke up every day with a beautiful view of the Chicago skyline...

Meanwhile his authentic self was wishing he was in New York.

Although I woke up every day with the shame of living in my parents basement...

I spent every moment working on my book as my authentic self.

Don't worry, this isn't going to be a corny, "money won't buy you happiness" message.

Because that does nothing to actually help you achieve happiness.

This question has been on my mind for years.

And so little happiness?

Why is it that we have so much prosperity...

We all have a primal desire for connection.

Every time you embrace your desire to be useful to another person, to be your authentic self, and be a great friend, family member, or member of your community, you earn genuine happiness.

For millions of years, humans survived by living in groups of 30-50 people in an environment where we relied on each other.

Not just in love, but in friendships, teams, and communities.

When you face those harsh realities, you have two options:

Begin the journey to genuine fulfillment.

Assume that you just didn't get "enough" of these things and try to get even more.

So the next time you're tempted to believe one of these will make you happy...

With these things you will find moments of happiness. But that's all they'll be, moments.

And the attention you get wont last.

The party will end.

Eventually you'll get used to your level of comfort.

#2 Be honest and authentic.

So rather than worrying about what they will think of you, give them the gift of seeing you as your authentic self.

Other people barely know what they want for themselves. Let alone you.

The first step towards becoming more authentic, is to let go of the idea that you know what other people want for you.

After spending over a year trying to understand why this happened, I discovered what money really buys you.

Attention

Fun

Comfort

This is an ongoing, humbling process that helps you understand more about yourself and gain confidence in your authentic self.

*Use the arrow keys to start.

Being authentic is scary at first. It takes courage to be vulnerable and honest about who you are.

But those fears disappear. And what's left is a solid foundation of genuine confidence in yourself – which leads to genuine connection with others.

Choose the better path

#3 Focus on connection, not attention.

#2 Focus on being authentic, not "liked" by everyone.

#1 Focus on being useful, not successful.

#3 Connection with others.

Once again, we get The Influence Pyramid backward on this.

Human beings made their way out of you food chain for two very distinct reasons.

Our ability to cooperate.

Our intelligence

#1 Focus on being useful.

When it's being useful that leads to genuine fulfillment.

When you focus on being useful to others, however, you find the will to persevere through hard times because you're working for something bigger than your immediate problems.

We spend most of our time focused on becoming successful.

The more you focus on yourself and your success, the more it will hurt when things don't go your way.

"I can see Jim that you are very worried about being successful. Why not concern yourself with being useful?" – Peter Drucker in a conversation with Jim Collins.

Instead I'm going to share two divergent paths of happiness that happened in 2016.

And one of my best friends earned everything that society valued.

Great girlfriend who everyone loved.

Beautiful apartment with a lakefront view.

6-figure paycheck.

When I lost everything that society valued.

Had to leave friends and girlfriend behind in Chicago.

Moved back in with my parents.

Constant struggle to pay the bills.

The Science of Happiness

Sources

2. Heath, Chip, and Dan Heath. Decisive: How To Make Better Decisions In Life And Work. London: Random House Books, 2014.

1. The Anatomy Of Peace: Resolving Heart Conflict. San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler, 2006.