MAIN EQ = Why is it sometimes hard to feel accepted by a community even when we try with all of our might to fit in?
Looking throughout the entire Mindomo thus far, it is clear that the main cause of someone struggling to feel accepted, is their mindset. The mindset the person is in really determines how well they are going to fit in and feel accepted.
Mending Wall
“There where it is we do not need the wall: He is all pine and I am apple orchard. My apple trees will never get across And eat the cones under his pines, I tell him.” By specifically saying in this line “He is all pin and I am apple orchard”
By specifically saying in this line “He is all pin and I am apple orchard” he is referring to how they are completely different people on opposite sides of this emotional barrier. The narrator here is starting to question if he needs that barrier still because of how different him and his neighbor are. People tend to put their barriers up when they get close to someone similar to them. The fact that they are different "trees" means they are not similar and pose no threat to each other. All of this relates back to the main unit question because it talks about a slightly different reason on why someone might struggle to feel accepted by a society even when they try their hardest. The first quote took the approach to the question in that a person might unconsciously put up a barrier to the people most similar to them. This part of the poem actually takes a slightly different approach and talks more about how some people will just keep their walls up to anyone in general, even if they are completely different from them. This idea of always keeping that wall up for anyone will make it very difficult for one to fit in a community because they just can’t open up and connect to the people around them. It's not even giving the people around them a chance and automatically shutting them out before they can even really talk to them.
“He only says, "Good fences make good neighbours." Spring is the mischief in me, and I wonder If I could put a notion in his head: "Why do they make good neighbours? Isn't it Where there are cows? But here there are no cows.”
This idea of good fences indicates that a good neighbor is the one that shuts others out and doesn't get involved in others lives. He is saying that to be "a good neighbor" he should put his barriers up and shut others out of his life. By saying "there are no cows" he is indicating that there is a deeper level to this phrase more than just a literal fence. It's an emotional fence that is up. This relates back to that essential question because it is saying that the reason we struggle to fit in and feel accepted, is because we subconsciously are too scared to. We struggle to fit in because we are scared of being judged or humiliated so we put up these emotional barriers that block anyone from getting close without even realizing it. Going back to when he says “But here there are no cows,” he is saying that our conscious mind wants to fit in, but on a deeper level we don’t want to fit in and we don’t realize that.
Mother to Son
BY LANGSTON HUGHES
The poem "Mother to Son" relates back to the main essential question and a very in-depth and meaningful way. It talks about the question from a different perspective as compared to the rest of the examples provided previously such as "Theme for English B." This poem really talks about how one might be struggling in life and this is impacting the way a person can fit into a community.
"Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.
It’s had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor—
Bare."
This quote really talks about how their life wasn't all perfect and there were a lot of moments in it where it was painful. This was seen in the first line of the quote where it talks about a crystal stair in terms of life. When she says life is not a crystal stair, she is referring to the idea that her life was not all pretty and smooth. The splinters here refer to the moments in her life that were painful emotionally but not life threatening but made life harder. All in all this is talking about how her life was hard and telling her son about it because he could be having a hard time fitting in.
Schopenhauer also talks about these essential question and developed his own theories to why he thought it was so hard to fit in. His idea also happens to be very similar to what the article about psychology had to say. Schopenhauer's theory was that us humans are just like moles in the sense that we are driven frantically to push ourselves forward, we want to get good jobs to impress perspective partners and, spend years trying to find 'the one'. This relates back to the essential question and the article because it goes back to that idea that the only ones stopping us from being accepted is us and our mindset. Our mindset when trying to be accepted into a community is that we have to do what ever it takes to be the most appealing individual to everyone to be truly accepted. However, as most will realize when attempting this and how Schopenhauer later describes, this does not work. If we always strive for that ideal individual and believe that it will make us happy once we achieve it, there will always be contractions against it and make that struggle to be accepted even harder.
A specific quote from him that really drives this idea in is “There is only one inborn error, and that is the notion that we exist in order to be happy... So long as we persist in this inborn error... the world seems to us full of contradictions. For at every step, in things great and small, we are bound to experience that the world and life are certainly not arranged for the purpose of maintaining a happy existence"
An article that also covers and discusses this essential question is "The Scientific reason you were so desperate to fit in as a teen." This article offers a new way into looking at why the narrator of the poem might not be able to feel truly accepted and able to fit in. This article really dives into the psychology of why someone like him might be feeling the way he does, isolated and alone.
A quote from this article that really describes what the narrator might be experiencing is "may also allow you allow you to have more social self-consciousness, and worry more about what other people are thinking about you. It may open up new vulnerabilities in some adolescents. Basically, the teenage brain is obsessed with what others are thinking."
This article can be used to answer the main essential question because it really shows why people might struggle with being accepted. It takes a different approach to answering the question however. It is more saying that it is the persons mindset that is really interfering with their ability to be accepted by a community. This is saying that people would try so hard to fit in and be accepted by a community that they would do anything to make it. This mindset when trying to be accepted can be really harmful to a person because they will feel like they are never good enough and can never make it. This can cause some inner conflicts and really add to the struggle of trying to be accepted. All in all, this is really saying that the one holding you back from being accepted is yourself and your thoughts.
This article can actually relate back to my own personal experiences and what it is like as a teenager. Now I don't exactly have this more self conscious thinking as the article described, but I have witnessed what it is like to think like that through my friends and how they think and act. Over the years some of my friends have that exact mindset as described and it directly influences what they do. I have watched my friends constantly obsess over if they should buy a certain item or do a certain thing to try to make them self look more appealing to others because they are worried about how they would be perceived if they didn't. They are always worried about how others think of them and that really controls their lives and really their thoughts. The teenage brain is wired to think and do whatever will make them more popular and seem like the ideal person and be accepted by everyone around them. However, from where I'm standing, it seems as though we're all trying to climb a ladder and will do what ever it takes to climb it faster. People will throw away the things in life that really matter, just to make it to the top of popularity.
Its hard to be accepted by a community even when we try our hardest. I would especially know how hard one might find it because I personally experienced this struggle. I personally had some struggles in the past with trying to fit into a certain friend group but could never fully make that connection to them that would truly let me in the group. I would always talk to them but I wasn't really 'apart' of the group.
One theory I have is to why I really couldn't really fit in and be accepted is because of their mindsets. Of course there can be a number of reasons why I could never really be accepted but I believe a main one is a persons mindset. If one were to try to join a new community/group, not everyone in that group could be ok with that. They might already feel contempt with the community they have now and believe that a new addition would ruin them. This could cause them to but their barriers and walls and shut you out a bit more. Its not that you're doing anything 'wrong' per say but rather their beliefs is what's getting in the way and they are not ready for change. In my case, I was trying to join a decently big group of friends (around 7-10 people) who had already been friends for a few years. My chances of being accepted by them were admittedly low because they probably weren't ready for a new addition to their group, so they shut me out a bit.
My own personal experience and ideas are actually closely related to those of "Theme for English B." When the narrator states that he is the only colored student in his class, it sets up this sense of distancing and feeling separated from the rest of the people right from the start. This distant feeling sets up the idea that he is different from the rest and will have a hard time trying to fit in because of how people will perceive him through their mind sets. They are not ready for that type of change in their community so they put up these barriers around him, which makes it a lot harder for him to really be accepted by his community. His classmates weren't ready for that type of change among them in the same way the friend group from my story wasn't ready for that type of change.
Theme for English B
" Well, I like to eat, sleep, drink, and be in love.
I like to work, read, learn, and understand life.
I like a pipe for a Christmas present,
or records—Bessie, bop, or Bach.
I guess being colored doesn’t make me not like
the same things other folks like who are other races. "
By the author stating here that he likes to eat sleep and drink and can love, he is basically stating that he is just like everyone else in his community and that he should be accepted as one of them. This relates back to the essential question because it is seen here that he is trying to fit into the community and really not different. However, although he is essentially the same, he is still struggling to be accepted because of his skin color. This is also seen in the last sentence of the quote when he says that being colored doesn't make him not like the same things as other people. This really hints at the fact that he is struggling to fit in and be accepted
"Eighth Avenue, Seventh, and I come to the Y,
the Harlem Branch Y, where I take the elevator
up to my room, sit down, and write this page:"
By specifically talking about the streets and the avenues rather than the people apart of the community, he is starting to develop his sense of isolation and how he feels alone. He is starting to distance him self from the community because he is starting to believe he doesn't fit in with everyone else because of his skin color. The isolation feeling becomes really apparent at the end of the quote about how he sat down alone to write the page. This last line solidifies he sense of isolation and loneliness. All of this relates back to the essential question because although he is really trying to fit into the community he is placed in, he is struggling to truly feel accepted by them because he feels separated by his skin color
