How I Discovered the Key Principle of Communication

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On my daily sunrise walk.

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Your goal with communication is not to change human nature – your goal is to bring out the best in it.

Always make your next article, conference, or speech better than your last one.

The first thing you must do in order to effectively communicate is respect yourself enough to not need to see others as threatening or as "competition."

Respect the other person enough to be your true, authentic self around them.

And it trains my subconscious mind in the process.

It shows them respect.

It allows them to put down the defenses we walk around with.

Saying "good morning" to someone disarms them.

Communicating with Respect.

#4 Respect Your Audience.

Focus on communicating your message, not "sounding good."

Listen to their feedback.

Whether your audience is a list of subscribers, conference participants, or employees, never lose respect for each individual you're communicating with.

#3 Respect the Other Person.

When, really, they probably just want us to be ourselves.

So we try to play a role that we think they will like...

We think we know what parents, friends, and colleagues want from us.

We believe our own assumptions far too much.

#2 Respect for Human Nature.

Even if they don't return the kindness.

I can't change that in one interaction, but I can bring as much genuine friendliness to that interaction as possible.

People have a lot of reasons to be angry and fearful these days.

Not all interactions are friendly – usually due to step #1.

#1 Respect for Yourself.

Our egos tell us that we're better than all the people we see.

Our isolated society trains our subconscious minds to see others as threats.

With each person I walk by on the street, I first see a sense of fear or smugness on their face.

With every friendly interaction, it reminds of the good that is in people.

With every interaction where my assumptions are proved wrong, my subconscious learns to be more skeptical of my biases.

It taught me the key principle of communication and human interaction – Respect.

I let go of my assumptions about people, and I said, "good morning" to everybody.

So my goal was: "Approach each person anew."

And I learned to push myself out of my comfort zone.

Every single decision you make improves the likelihood that you'll make the next decision exactly like that.

One of my greatest strengths is also one of my biggest obstacles...

I am an introvert.

My initial assumptions were almost always wrong.

Your brain works like a muscle.

As part of my goal to move to New York and make friends, I decided to venture outside of my comfort zone and talk to people a little more each day.

Working at home, it's not always easy to interact with others...

But I did find one place where I could interact with others...

I may not feel comfortable making sales calls, but I can certainly say "good morning" to everyone I pass on the street.

How I Discovered the Key Principle of Communication

Sources

3. Haidt, Jonathan. The Righteous Mind Why Good People Are Divided By Politics And Religion. London: Penguin Books, 2013.

2. Reves, Emery. The Anatomy Of Peace. New York and London: Harper & Bros., 1945.

1. Leadership and Self-deception Getting Out of the Box. Berrett-Koehler Pub, 2010.