THE FOUR STEPS- wanting to have my car at school but I share it with my sister so my mom rather the car stays at the house to not be unfair

EMPATHETIC LISTENING

understand the other persons perspective (listen)

My mom docent want to have to do as much driving and worrying about rides. She also docent want to be unfair and wants to make sure both me and Riley are satisfied

Riley is far from home, harder time and options for getting home than me. Has lots of reasons for needing the car and more things to drive for.

ask questions

body language - eye contact

makes person feel more comfortable- shows that you are listening

summarizing and paraphrasing

shows the other person that you understand

other person feels heard which disarms them

recognizing people are different

curiosity, being calm

POSITIONS VS NEEDS

position - what they want (outcome they want)

My position - wants car at Merrimack

moms position -wants car at home

Needs - why they want that

emotions

why they do what they do

my needs- want to come home more. Be able to escape when needed, see/ visit friends

moms needs- wants to be fair. Doent want to drive around as often. Doesn't want to have to worry for our car safety and car troubles

self assertion - I statements instead of you statements

coming up with lots of potential solutions

I have the car but make sure to pick up my sister when she needs

I get the car due to the fact that Riley got the car last semester

Riley gets the car and picks me up when I need

leaving car at home so no one feels chosen over the other

collaboration

no evaluating

no judging

choose best solution

Give Riley the car since she lives furthest away

much more realistic snd will actually be able to purchase a parking spot at her school (Merrimack much less likely)

She has to pick me up on her way home and whenever I need her to (which is easy since my school is on the way home and closest to the rest of my gamily members)

win win

or maximum gain

Not a win win but is maximum gain

My mom has to do little to no driving for us - Riley gets the car - and I will have more options for being picked up than if that car was at home