по Sofia Matera 2 лет назад
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Inventing solutions
Messiness
Avoiding judging
Using I-statements to express needs, feelings, not positions
Definition - involves expressing ones feelings without blaming
Imply some need of degree of necessity
Allow your partner to correct you
Asking questions about partners needs
Ask “why”
Having compassion and courage
Identify hidden needs
Evaluate you options
“Play off” each other
Exchange ideas
Work with one another
Embrace messiness
List, list, list
Mention when something is off
I statements.
Using active listening
Using acts and quotes
Listen and summarize
having compassion and dignity for the other
MP: Once the needs of each party are identified its time to generate as many solutions to meet each person's needs simultaneously
how: allow your partner to correct you. generally showing your partner that you understand them by letting your partner correct you and repeating back to them what they have said
Showing empathy, showing your partner that you understand their perspective, needs, and feelings.
MP: now that each party has elaboration on their needs, interest, and feelings it is important to find a solution that is a win-win situation for both parties
Once the previous steps have solved the dispute its time to find a solution that fits both parties needs and feelings by listing ideas of possible solutions and avoiding judgement.
MP: Identifying needs is a way to understand your partners reasons why they taken this position
Communication
MP: To engage in collaborative problem solving we must engage in our partners differently than most conversations. Partners are either in empathic or self-assertion mode. Both parties should feel completely understood by each other.
Self-assertion
Self-assertion is using I-statements that express your own feelings and not your statements. Using nonviolent and non aggressive words
To identify needs irs important to be genuinely curious and interested. When in drought digger deeper into the other's deeper needs and feelings and what motivates them to grab their position.
Ask why. Why did they adopt their opinion and their position. This allows you to justify the person's deeper needs and feelings in the dispute
Describe the situation rather than judging or characterizing the situation by using quotes and describing the problem.
Self assertion and expressing your partners needs and feelings without blaming or criticizing the others and expressing your perspective with your own wants, needs, feeling, and stories.
Empathic listening
Communication is a form of empathic listening, Empathic listening allows you to show empathy for the other party by, listening closely, summarizing what they said so they feel understood, and showing empathy.
Show your partner that you understand them and show humility that conveys you are open and willing to revise your understanding by letting your partner correct. And getting angry when your partner corrects you. Disarm the other person by showing them they should not fear you. Showing your partner you care about the way they think, feel, and what they need.
SHOW EMPATHY- understanding the other persons perspective, needs, and feelings
Being able to repeat back your partner's needs and feelings that are to your partner's satisfaction and genuinely showing interest and curiosity.
SUMMARIZING- The test of whether you understand your partner is where you can repeat back what your partner's needs and feeling are to your partner's satisfaction
Listening closely to your partner's deeper needs and feelings. Being able to repeat back what your partner had said with understanding
LISTENING- closely to your partner so that you can both understand and remember what your partner has said
Ask why. Why they had adopted their position, ask questions about partners needs, and allow your partner to correct you.
SEPARATING NEEDS FROM POSITIONS. Positions are surface level and do not get to the base of the problem, identifying needs gets to the core of the issue
HOW CAN PEOPLE SEPARATE THE TWO:
Expressing needs. Use I-statements and quotes, once identifying unmet needs it gives both parties a sense of clarity and will be easier to express needs to each other.
Identifying deeper needs and feelings when in doubt. When not fully identifying your partner's needs and why they took this stance on the problem it is important to dig deeper into why they had taken their position and being generally curious and interested in your partner.
Asking why to your partner when not fully understanding we want to know the other person's needs and interests to see if we can meet them.
ASK: Why do you take this position. This does not justify the position but identify the need, want, desire, or interest that each party is trying to meet in the context. 2
Identifying interests and needs is to identifying our feelings and emotions separately. asking your partner why you feel that way? this answer will reveal underlying needs and feelings
MP: Connecting to the humanity of the other persons is understanding that it is a matter of you and me against the problem and not you and me against each other.
Showing compassion and self-compassion, curiosity, and credulity. showing your partner these c words set strategies for getting what each party wants
Engaging the humanity of the other. to understand the way your partner thinks and acts, we must understand their needs, beliefs, and values that motivate them to believe. We start to feel compassion once we realize the other party is doing as much as they can with what they have.
The key to collaborative problem solving is first thinking of conflict as an opportunity for problem-solving and understanding that conflict is not what they usually seem.
MP: In order to engage in CPS, it is necessary to connecting to humanity of the other person is having dignity and compassion for each other and understanding breathe their positions and understanding each other’s needs and feelings.
The key of collaborative problem solving is understanding the other. What motivates their behavior and why they had taken their position.
Monitoring your partners feelings as well as your own. This honors dignity and avoids shame throughout the problem-solving discussion.
Collaborative problem solving only works when the dispute is not solved through anger and guilt. Solving the problem in anger could threaten the other's value, honor, esteem, and respect which allows the problem to go wrong.
And so living the dispute by using empathy, dignity/humanity, and compassion/credulity.
MP: another key to turning conflict into problem-solving is not to think of conflict as a zero-sum game.
Turning conflict into collaborative problem solving is to coordinate balance needs of self + needs for others.
a zero-sum game comes at the advantage of someone else loss. A zero-sum game is a fight or competition over the same thing.
Collaborative problem solving destroys the competition of a zero-sum game, so both sides get what they want a win-win. That gives maximum gain for both parties.
MP: the key to turning conflict into problem-solving is to focus on the needs hidden beneath each person's position in a dispute
The key to turning conflict into problem solving is to focus on or identity needs hidden beneath peoples positions in a dispute.
Collaborative problem solving is identifying the problem by understanding each party's hidden needs, feelings, and position in the dispute.
Needs are often hidden from each other including ourselves,
Beneath each person's needs are human needs and feelings.
Conflicts usually go wrong because people don't say what they want or need. Instead of communicating with their needs and feelings, people communicate with their positions.
POSITIONS- why they believe in what they believe in, there stance in the problem
POSITION - refers to peoples initial stance in a conflict. A position is a narrow scope, surface level, and is judge mental.
A position is a person's "stance" or "side" on a problem.
The position is more surface-level than a need; a need is deeper than a position. A position is a person's "stance" or "side" on a problem that tells us why that person took their side.
NEED - is a kind of interest, concern, goal, or problem. The reason we take out position.
NEED is used broadly to refer to the interests, desires, and values that motivate people to take their positions. A need is more broader in scope, deeper, than surface level, and allows collaboration
MP: A battle is a zero-sum game, this comes when an advance on one side comes at the expense of the other side. In a zero-sum game, only one team can win.
A zero-sum game is opposing in positions such as a battle over positions. To win only one party gets what they want and the other party does not.
To win, each side attacks the other, trying to take advantage of their partners weaknesses.
This is called a zero-sum game. a zero-sum game is a fight over the same thing, in a conflict one person gains are at the other person's loss. One person's gain is the equivalent to the opposing side's loss. (what is a zero-sum game)
A way of explaining a zero-sum game is a football game, a football field is 100 yards, one team gains 25 yards the other team loses 25. A zero-sum game is a competition for the same thing.
Another way of thinking of a zero-sum game is a zero-sum game because one party is gaining more at the cost of their partners' weaknesses.
A zero-sum game only works when one party wins ground while the other party loses ground only one side gets what they want and does not end till one party gets what they want.
MP: We tend to think of conflict as a kind of battle between opposing groups and sides this can be comprehended and seen as competition such as a battle or war.
A battle is a type of power struggle, usually, the person with more power generally wins. This mindset causes three outcomes. I win you lose, I lose you win, or we tie or reach a compromise
The best possible outcome of a power struggle is a compromise, each party gives up part of their needs or feelings so they can get something in return.
Conflict can be about plans, responsibilities in the relationship, disagreements about social rules, and disagreements on ways of interacting
