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Whether they are a good friend or not, you be one.
What does that look like?
John 13:34 (NLT)
34 So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.
John 13:35 (NLT)
35 Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.
Your status as disciple, adn your abiliity to affect real change in the world DEPENDS on this.
Application: While that's a horrible movie, there are some parallels in this issue. Sin is the problem...ALWAYS. The result might lead someone to come at you, do something that brings an insult or it might hurt you physically or someone you love, but it's sin at the end of the day and if we focus on us in that moment, we might relieve something, but we wont' solve it. It's really not personal...it's sin. Rather, it's far more personal to God than it ever will be to you, and He died for them, and in the end, He'll handle the correction and the justice, and He might use you for part of that, but that's on His schedule.
Illustration: Roadhouse -- terrible movie I watched when I was much younger, don't ever watch the whole movie, but there was a scene where the "cooler" (head bouncer") in a bar, told the people under him, to "be nice" If they say something ugly to you, it's not personal, it's a job and just be nice....until it's time to not be nice.
Don't deflect or make up lame excuses for hard problems.
This isn't about having EVERy right answer and looking like a theological genius.
To be a good theologian, you've got to have a good dose of "I don't know" in your vocabulary.
Acknowledge real questions.
Always reflect Jesus in your answers
This is about Jesus, so always BE Jesus.
We can get drawn offsides when people are smarmy or arrogant or mean or hurtful, and we can then think it is about us and take things personally. That's a GREAT place for Satan to step in and ruin the MISSION of your conversation...to honor Jesus.
YOUR job is reflect Christ.
Ephesians 5:1-2 (NLT)
1 Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. 2 Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.
1 Peter 2:21 (ESV)
21 For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps.
1 Corinthians 11:1 (ESV)
1 Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.
Own your part
As much as you can live at peace with them, and LIVE with them
When you sacrifice community, except in extreme cases, you sacrifice another of their lines to truth AND you can create a barrier to your viewpoint, simply because now your bad act is associated with that side.
Have you done anything?
If it's conflict, you may have a part in that.
Avoid arguing
Try to UNDERSTAND their side and EXPLAIN your side, not the reverse.
Yeah, Jesus called the Pharisees a "brood of vipers" and put them in situations where they had to step back and couldn't answer without abandoning their belief, but Jesus came to seek and to save that which was lost, not to mic drop the haters and get high fives from his friends.
God doesn't cease to exist or become impotent, because you can't win a point or make a case...He speaks fine on His own. YOUR job is reflect Christ.
You don't have to defend God. He does a great job all on His own. Your job is to honor Jesus and help people get closer to Him.
This is the sense -- trying to win something.
Detect their meanings
Try to find something positive in what they are saying, because I'm pretty sure they are trying to be the version of "right" and "just" that they know even if they are failing...start there.
Romans 2:14-15 (NLT)
14 Even Gentiles, who do not have God’s written law, show that they know his law when they instinctively obey it, even without having heard it. 15 They demonstrate that God’s law is written in their hearts, for their own conscience and thoughts either accuse them or tell them they are doing right.
Genesis 1:27 (NLT)
27 So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
Don't listen until you hear a buzz word or phrase that you can object successfully to.
It's important to know and understand what people mean.
Expect something you can't answer
No need to avoid them or pretend they don't exist
abortion argument
10 year old having a baby
Expect things that are hard.
Romans 12
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. 17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Don't rejoice when your enemy falls
Not sure what the Lord will turn His anger away means, but either way, it's not a good thing for the situation.
Proverbs 24:17-18 (ESV)
17 Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles, 18 lest the Lord see it and be displeased, and turn away his anger from him.
19-21
You don't have enemies, you just have a bad friend or a friendship that is broken or a friendship that is out of priority or whatever.
In other words, treat your enemy like you would treat a friend.
I've heard people arrogantly claim "Only God can judge me" and that's usually trying to avoid any challenge to their belief or behavior, because if they understood what they were asking for, they'd probably rather me do it than God because no matter how hurt or upset I am, God is more and I'm going to be softer on them than He will be.
You don't get to get them back -- God takes ALL SIN personally...all of it, at a far deeper level than you can believe.
18
As far as it depends on you
But I'm tempted to do something mean or unChristlike
1 Corinthians 10:13 (NLT)
13 The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.
Do everything, within the boundaries of following Christ, to live as peace with them.
17
Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone
Good is ALWAYS, ALWAYS associated with and modeled after God and our/their relationship with Him. in a real sense, nothing is secular --- it always has a sacred component to it. Everything is either pointing to God or to why you need Him.
Philippians 2:4 (NLT)
4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.
Consider the universal good for everyone
Do not repay anyone evil for evil.
Even your enemies
16
Live in harmony with one another. (even those who don't agree with you) Don't be proud be willing to associate with people of low position Do not be conceited
Subtopic
15
Illustration: Scene in Independence Day, where they had just defeated the aliens and saved the planet and everyone is cheering -- great cathartic moment, and in the midst of the cheering, one of the characters notices the son of one of the men who sacrificed his life so that they could win....he stopped, took a break from his celebration to mourn with the guy who had lost something huge in his life.
When someone else experiences loss, leave room to empathize with them, even in your big wins.
When someone else wins, be happy for them, even if you lose.
14
Bless
In Greek usage the sense is the obvious one, “speak well of” (someone), and so “praise” or “eulogize.” The idea “bless” comes wholly from the Hebrew בָּרַךְ and gains its distinctive character from the distinctively Jewish idea of God blessing his human creatures, where “bless” has a much stronger force than the Greek εὐλογεῖν—“bless” in the sense of bestow grace and peace, sustain and prosper (as in the classic formulation of the Aaronic benediction—Num 6:24–26). When one person blesses another, the clear implication is that he calls on Yahweh to bestow his favor on the other, although a particular blessing (expression of that favor) could of course be requested (as in Gen 27:27–29; 49:28; Deut 33; 1 Sam 2:20). Dunn, J. D. G. (1988). Romans 9–16 (Vol. 38B, p. 744). Word, Incorporated.
1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Don't do it the way the world does it.
Being a sacrifice has a cost and it's everything.
and the Scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness”—and he was called a friend of God.
Acts 10:24
And on the following day they entered Caesarea. Cornelius was expecting them and had called together his relatives and close friends.
Luke 16:9
And I tell you, make friends for yourselves by means of unrighteous wealth, so that when it fails they may receive you into the eternal dwellings.
Mark 5:19
And he did not permit him but said to him, “Go home to your friends and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.”
Matthew 11:19
The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Look at him! A glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ Yet wisdom is justified by her deeds.”
We are to have relationsihps with people who are in effect, our enemies... if they are enemies of God, they are your enemies too.
It doesn't mean that one of you is right and one of you is wrong...it might mean you are both wrong and you both need to see each other's side to be able to grow in maturity and honor Christ.
It doesn't mean that if someone is your enemy you have to take your cues on how that relationship goes from them.
Someone can decide to be my enemy, but I get a say in that...I don't have to take them up on that offer.
It is usually over one thing, not every thing.
The bigger or more important or more foundational thing, the bigger the wedge, but still to completely separate, that's often a personal choice, not an inevitability and MOST of the time...except in very few, specific situations, are you to sacrifice community with that person completely.
May mean that you say "I love you as a person, but we are just on the other side of this issue". Both of you resolve to follow Christ, give where you can and love each other through it. That's exactly where God is with you.
May mean that you avoid the issue.
Even in the superhero stories, Superman and Lex Luthor had to team up to save the world before.
It doesn't mean that one of you is evil and trying to take over the world.
You might be enemies on one issue, but both want the best for the world, just disagree on how to get there.
Illustration: Superman and Lex Luthor or Batman and the Joker -- one was always trying to save the world and one was always trying to destroy it, it seemed, in their own way.
Could be large
It could be your views on what causes or more important
IN today's society, it could be political or ideological
Could be small
You like Florida, I like Alabama
What is an enemy? Anyone that you find yourself on the opposite side of an issue
Memphis police incident
Basically, we got down to the point that they were enemies...
it's sin that puts us in that situation
Can't blame being a less person
best of the best, specially trained unit
Can't blame lack of education
Well-trained
Can't blame racism
5. How are some ways that we can be involved and help, individually and as a church?
4. What are the biggest challenges to that plan?
3. What are the plans for the future?
2. What has been (and is) going on in Love INC in the last year or so?
1. How did you (Freddie) get started in Love INC?
You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.
John 15:15
No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.
John 15:14
You are my friends if you do what I command you.
John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.
Judges 5:31
“So may all your enemies perish, O Lord! But your friends be like the sun as he rises in his might.” And the land had rest for forty years.
Psalm 25:14
The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant.
Isaiah 41:8
But you, Israel, my servant, Jacob, whom I have chosen, the offspring of Abraham, my friend;
Job 29:4
as I was in my prime, when the friendship of God was upon my tent,
You can feel a friendship
2 Chronicles 20:7
Did you not, our God, drive out the inhabitants of this land before your people Israel, and give it forever to the descendants of Abraham your friend?
"give it forever"
We do things to help the ones they love
David helping out His friend Jonathan's son
We do things to benefit our friends
Exodus 33:11
Thus the Lord used to speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to his friend. When Moses turned again into the camp, his assistant Joshua the son of Nun, a young man, not depart from the tent.
"face to face"
Spend time in conversation
Possible points
Always speak honestly
Godly honesty is always under control, because God directed honesty always has a point. I'm not saying when you speak you speak Holy Scripture, but look at God and His WORD to us and how deep and rich and filled with meaning, and efficient, and streamlined and pointed every word and nuance is...and if we are going to be like Him, we need to be the same, because... This saying is true...Your life may be the only Bible that someone else reads, or as I think is better, our hope is that your life may be the FIRST trace of the Bible that someone reads before they read much more.
The zinger isn't effective often.
Because if I'm just saying it to say it... just throwing that out there...
Matthew 12:36 (NIV)
36 But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken.
ESV "careless word"
Illustration: situation with the evangelist -- I've told this story recently to some friends and I was kind of proud of it...but did I tell that story hoping that he would get it right or that I would be seen as right or superior? What was my motive?
You don't have to speak ugly, but you do have to speak honestly.
Extend grace liberally
When do I cut them loose, even with God there is a breaking point...
1) God is perfect. 2) God has that right, you do not. All the "do not judge" stuff...that's for God, not for you. You and I don't get to pronounce final judgment on people or judge what sin is greater or less, who gets to stay or go, outside of God's Holy Spirit moving IN ACCORDANCE wtih the statutes in HIS Word. 3) If God moves you to separate from them, it is ALWAYS for reasons of love and never out of hate.
If you cannot extend grace, then you are in the trap that Galatians 6 speaks about and I am telling you now, you MUST forgive to get out.
We don't have to be completely right on everything now, to love Jesus now...in fact, that will not happen. If you love any ideology, any political theory, any social cause, any personal preference more than you love others, then Jesus' place in your life is in question. When there are places that grace cannot be extended it is not about the severity of THEIR sin, but the lack in your FORGIVENESS and your obedience. People dont' have to agree with you, even on passionate things for you both to love each other like God does. There are things that God believes that you and I both have yet to agree with...and yet, God loves us.
Matthew 5:43-48 (NIV)
43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Mark 11:25 (NLT)
25 But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.”
This goes in line with #1 ... Grace is a concept for a reason and God expects us to love like Him and over and over again God extends grace to people...continually, all the time.
Confront sin lovingly
Sin is the enemy...people who sin are not.
Jude 1:23 (NLT)
17 But you, my dear friends, must remember what the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ predicted. 18 They told you that in the last times there would be scoffers whose purpose in life is to satisfy their ungodly desires. 19 These people are the ones who are creating divisions among you. They follow their natural instincts because they do not have God’s Spirit in them. 20 But you, dear friends, must build each other up in your most holy faith, pray in the power of the Holy Spirit, 21 and await the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will bring you eternal life. In this way, you will keep yourselves safe in God’s love. 22 And you must show mercy to those whose faith is wavering. 23 Rescue others by snatching them from the flames of judgment. Show mercy to still others, but do so with great caution, hating the sins that contaminate their lives.
Psalm 119:104
Through your precepts I get understanding; therefore I hate every false way.
Proverbs 8:13
Fear of the Lord is the hatred of evil.
Romans 12:9
Abhor what is evil
Handle conflict correctly
There will be conflict and vague booking, gossip, insults, cancelling, running, and SURPRISE that someone is in conflict with you are all failing strategies and honestly, in the context in which I'm talking about them, htey are all sin. Matthew 18 and Galatians 6 are in the Bible for a reason....WE ARE still dealing with sin and there will be conflict. Go to the person before you go to anyone else except God.
Galatians 6
9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.
Do good to all...especially to the family of believers
Never stop doing good, because it's worth it.
1 Corinthians 15:58 (NLT)
58 So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless.
7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8 Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.
Be sober about your role
You can't fool God.
4 Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, 5 for each one should carry their own load. 6 Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor.
carry their own load
God EXPECTS you to be as right with Him as He expects me to be...or that person that you think really loves God and next to them, you suck. That's YOUR load. You may not accomplish the same things, have the coolest things to say or write books or have people ask you to speak places, but to do what God has for you to do, all you need to do, is live a life of faith in Him, being as close to Him as you can and you will accomplish EVERYTHING that God has for you to accomplish at the end of the day.
Grow in Christ
You can be a blessing to the community if you simply are better with God.
Also for the betterment of others, because the closer you are to Christ in a community the closer the community is to Christ.
For His glory
3 If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves.
Be honest about yourself and them
When we lie about ourselves, we hurt community.
When we are honest, that we are nothing but callled servants of God with nothing of our own, except gratitude in our hearts to follow Him, we become less about our abilities and talents. We are less about what can I do, and more about what WILL God do through me. We become more confident in who we are and more bold to handle things, because we dont' EXPECT to have all the answer or EXPECT to have all the ability, we FOCUS on being close to God and being obedient, EXPECTING God to provide what wasn't there and to multiply what is there to show His glory.
The boy with the 5 fish and two loaves was honest about what he had, IT WASN'T ENOUGH, but he didn't back down from offering it, and having NO IDEA how God would use it, and God made what wasn't enough to be enough. David wasn't delusional about who people saw him to be or where he stood against Goliath, but it never stopped him from offering what he had and expecting God to do something amazing with it. When we are captive to honesty about ourselves...the MOST talented people also need God the MOST...we all NEED God the MOST...put any adjective there you want, then we can joyfullly undertake the impossible if God leads us there.
Uncle Rico -- always said he could have been a great QB, but the truth is that he was terrible. What if someone believed him and trusted him and put him in a position where they needed him to be that...and he wasn't.
2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Carry their burdens
Far too often when we see someone in sin, we think that we need to attack the person who is in it...but the truth is that whether they realize it or not, THEIR SIN is their burden. It's not just someone who is crying in the corner who is weighted down by sin. Nowhere in these two verses does Paul indicate that the person realizes how badly they are trapped or even if they are at all. The truth is that the "toxic" people that it is so EN VOGUE to dismiss and get rid of, ARE ALL PEOPLE CAUGHT IN A SIN. What God says to us is that we should Restore them gently, and carry their burdens...and this is how we fulfill the law of Christ
There are no your burdens and my burdens, there are OUR burdens.
1 Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.
RESTORE them
Do you know what one of the things you may be tempted to to sin? It might be what that person is snagged in. If they are dogmatic, you may be tempted to be dogmatic yourself. If they are arrogant and condescending, you may be tempted to try to cut them down in your explanation. If they are mean, you may be tempted to be mean back, but you can't. That's lazy and easy, but it's not Christlike. My zinger and my shutdown comment might make a point, but often it just shuts down conversation and places a barrier between understanding, because here is a distraction, that has nothing to do with the problem that is now a problem.
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Job 29
1 Job continued speaking: 2 “I long for the years gone by when God took care of me, 3 when he lit up the way before me and I walked safely through the darkness. 4 When I was in my prime, God’s friendship was felt in my home. 5 The Almighty was still with me, and my children were around me. 6 My steps were awash in cream, and the rocks gushed olive oil for me. 7 “Those were the days when I went to the city gate and took my place among the honored leaders. 8 The young stepped aside when they saw me, and even the aged rose in respect at my coming. 9 The princes stood in silence and put their hands over their mouths. 10 The highest officials of the city stood quietly, holding their tongues in respect. 11 “All who heard me praised me. All who saw me spoke well of me. 12 For I assisted the poor in their need and the orphans who required help. 13 I helped those without hope, and they blessed me. And I caused the widows’ hearts to sing for joy. 14 Everything I did was honest. Righteousness covered me like a robe, and I wore justice like a turban. 15 I served as eyes for the blind and feet for the lame. 16 I was a father to the poor and assisted strangers who needed help. 17 I broke the jaws of godless oppressors and plucked their victims from their teeth. 18 “I thought, ‘Surely I will die surrounded by my family after a long, good life. 19 For I am like a tree whose roots reach the water, whose branches are refreshed with the dew. 20 New honors are constantly bestowed on me, and my strength is continually renewed.’ 21 “Everyone listened to my advice. They were silent as they waited for me to speak. 22 And after I spoke, they had nothing to add, for my counsel satisfied them. 23 They longed for me to speak as people long for rain. They drank my words like a refreshing spring rain. 24 When they were discouraged, I smiled at them. My look of approval was precious to them. 25 Like a chief, I told them what to do. I lived like a king among his troops and comforted those who mourned.
Similarities
Friendships must be built on trust
Friendships are built through time.
To build it you need to have community and connection
Differences
They don't know how we really feel about them completely.
We have nothing to bring
Security, stability
benefit
jokes
info
Illustration:
Application:
On the contrary, we need EVERYTHING from God.
We have NOTHING to add to God, because He is perfect -- (state of lacking nothing)
Scott had a satellite dish and we watched the Celtics games together and played basketball, and through that interaction, we became friends.
We are not equal.
https://ymi.today/2018/04/8-ways-to-build-a-friendship-with-god/
8. Love Him unwaveringly, intimately, and sacrificially
Proverbs 17:17 (NIV)
17 “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”
7. Have a pure heart and speak with grace
Proverbs 22:11 (NIV)
11 One who loves a pure heart and who speaks with grace will have the king for a friend.
6. Celebrate, and not compete with, Him
John 3:29-30 (NIV)
29 The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom’s voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete.q 30 He must become greater; I must become less.
5. Obey what’s on His heart
John 15:14 (NIV)
14 You are my friends if you do what I command.
4. Rejoice at His counsel and trust His corrections
Proverbs 27:5-6 (NIV)
5 Better is open rebuke than hidden love. 6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
Proverbs 27:9 (NIV)
9 Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.
3. Listen to Him tell us what’s on His heart
John 15:15 (NIV)
15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
2. Revere Him
Psalm 25:14 (ESV)
14 The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant.
1. Make time to draw close to Him
Exodus 33:11 (NIV)
11 The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend. Then Moses would return to the camp, but his young aide Joshua son of Nun did not leave the tent.
friend of God
Psalm 148:13 (MSG)
13-14 Let them praise the name of God— it’s the only Name worth praising. His radiance exceeds anything in earth and sky; he’s built a monument—his very own people! Praise from all who love God! Israel’s children, intimate friends of God. Hallelujah!
Romans 5:11 (NLT)
11 So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God.
2 Chronicles 20:7 (NLT)
7 O our God, did you not drive out those who lived in this land when your people Israel arrived? And did you not give this land forever to the descendants of your friend Abraham?
God's friend --> faith with your works
John 15:13-15
We are friends of God when we return our life for His.
The trade is a loss for God, because no life is greater than the life of His Son, but because He valued us
13 There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me.
John 14:15
“If you love me, you will keep my commandments.
NLT
“If you love me, obey my commandments.
MSG
21-24 Wasn’t our ancestor Abraham “made right with God by works” when he placed his son Isaac on the sacrificial altar? Isn’t it obvious that faith and works are yoked partners, that faith expresses itself in works? That the works are “works of faith”? The full meaning of “believe” in the Scripture sentence, “Abraham believed God and was set right with God,” includes his action. It’s that weave of believing and acting that got Abraham named “God’s friend.” Is it not evident that a person is made right with God not by a barren faith but by faith fruitful in works?
23 And the scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,” and he was called God’s friend.
James 4:4
4 You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.
Being friends is one of the earliest social skills that we learn as people. Community and being in community is one of the most important needs of people. Babies who are deprived of physical contact and community fail to thrive as people.
25 On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?” 26 “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?” 27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” 28 “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.” 29 But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” 30 In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31 A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32 So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33 But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34 He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. 35 The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’ 36 “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” 37 The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.” Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”
In marriage, the unity required for this relationship can't operate that way. It isn't meant to operate in a situation where there is no contact for long periods of time. If you feel distant to your spouse, doesn't mean that your marriage is doomed.
If we stop hanging out together for a while, it doesn't mean that we are no longer friends.
you don't leave Mom and Dad to be best friends.
David and Jonathan
Friends (even BEST friends)
Children
Parents
We are not to judge others who messed it up.
We aren't perfect at all. WE are learning and we are improving and we have a way to go as well.
We are talking about an ideal in a fallen world.
We should challenge each other to.
But the scriptural principles are still true and beneficial.
in a fallen world, the ideal isn't met
Failed marriages
Abuse
So if you want to become best friends in your marriage, try adding the following sweet notes to God’s lyrics: First and foremost, embrace Jesus Christ who is our ultimate Sticky Friend--love and obey Him as one of His disciples. Ask Him to make you best friends with your mate. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. You are My friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you slaves. For the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you (John 15:13-15). Go back and replay your falling-in-love days, when you and your mate first became best friends. Schedule a date. Talk to each other. Listen to each other. Play, laugh, and dream again. Read the Bible and pray together. Always ask God to give you the right wording and timing when you need to “speak the truth in love” with your mate. “Wounding” is always remedial, never punitive. Link up with another couple who are also trying to develop into “sticky friends.” Spend time together. Share ideas. Encourage each other. Read the Bible and pray together.
The third divine lyric of friendship is a commitment to hurting our mate when he or she is in sin.
Not only must our words be tempered, but also the timing of our words.
Prov. 27:14
Prov. 25: 11
Prov. 15:23
The “faithful wounds of a friend” are normally the words we share with our mates. So the following notes must temper them or marital friendships will disintegrate into marital disputes.
Prov. 15:28
Prov. 16:23-24
Prov. 12:25
Prov. 27:17
17 As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:6
The second divine lyric of friendship is a commitment to helping our mate when he or she is in pain.
Proverbs 17:17
A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.
The first divine lyric of friendship is that we must commit ourselves to becoming best friends in our marriage, no matter the cost--we really have to want it.
"STicky friends"
Becoming best friends in marriage means that we must become sticky friends. The word used in Proverbs 18:24 for “sticks” is the same word used in Genesis 2:24 for “cleaving”: “For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” “Cleaving” or “sticking” is a commitment to permanency in marriage, to be glued together for life. Without such a permanent bond, best friendships in marriage will eventually disintegrate. Superficial companionships are the best for which we can hope.
Proverbs 18:24
One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
NOTES
3) Choose Friendship in Your Marriage CArefully
One of the best things we can do is have a solid relationship with our spouse.
Proverbs 13:20
“He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm”
2) Receiving Truth from Our Friends
The wounds are tough, but we have to remember that we are giving truth, but sometimes, that truth is like a wound. It can hurt.
Need to know your spouse enough to know where the injuries are and how to navigate around them or help them get healing.
Words are powerful, and no matter if "they know how I feel" they can hurt. I can say I'm your friend, but if I approach you in a way that hits an injury you have, you can get over it, but it still hurts and I need to recognize that.
PRoverbs 27:6
Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.
1) Learning from Our Friends' Life Experiences
Ecclesiastes 1:9
9 What has been will be again,
there is nothing new under the sun.
what has been done will be done again;
Go through things together - expand our perspective by seeing things from multiple sides and different viewpoints
You and your friends don't agree on everything, but you choose to be friends regardless of disagreements.
Your spouse is supposed to be able to have different opinions just like your friends.
The Value of Friendship Ecclesiastes 4:9-12a
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves”
"catch the little foxes"
The little things that ruin your marriage and your friendship
Unsustainable schedules
Bad or unhealthy habits
unresolved conflict
Extend grace
Proverbs 19:11
11 A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.
NKJV
11 The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, And his glory is to overlook a transgression.
11 Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.
keep short accounts
NASB
it keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
4-6
ESV
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
NLT
21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. 25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body. 31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
NIV
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
