作者：Andrew Flynn 7 月以前
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The process
before we actually had the conversation, I explained to my sister what collaborative problem-solving was, and how it worked, which I think helped settle her to the idea of doing it on audio.
we began with the first step of connect to the humanity by explaining both our sides and listening to one another, which took a lot of credulity for both of us.
then we identified one other needs and realize that my need was a wish to be more informed about where my car would be and he for class and her need was to get a schedule and get used to driving.
we then brainstormed ideas about how to find a solution. for all of these steps, using the practices of empathetic, listening, and self assertion to respect one another while still getting our needs met. solutions just didn’t work given our situation, but we kept looking at some until we found one we liked
finally, we agreed on a solution in where my sister could have my car during days or my classes were later and hers were earlier as long as she told me which satisfied both our needs.
my sister
my sister recently got her license and wanted to drive my car to school. She took my car one morning with a spare key without telling me and did this a couple of times.
my sister wanted to start driving my car to school to get a feel of it. She also wanted to get herself into a routine of driving the car.
my sister agreed to try the collaborative problem-solving to figure something out.
me
my main conflict with my sister came from her need to use my car. I received my drivers license before her and so inherited my mom’s old car and recently after my sister got her license she wanted to try driving it to school.
personally, I wanted to be informed about the where boats of my car and when it will be taken. And I wanted to have access to my car when I needed it.
at first, we couldn’t come to an agreement and mostly fought, but then we used this collaborative problem-solving to figure out his solution
identify each parties needs and feelings
in the second step people should look to use all the principles as they attempt to understand their partners desires. want there is an underlying need that a person has that in a conflict is not being fulfilled. And so by going back-and-forth with the process of empathetic, listening, and self-assertion people are able to work to grasp and understanding of what the other truly needs, and why they have these needs to begin with. only once the two parties, both understand each other needs entirely will they be able to move on. To do this one must stick to the principle of respect as they hear their partners point of view and vice versa.
select a solution that produces maximum gain
finally, the partners will look at all of the ideas. They have brainstormed and through listings of pros and cons and deciding what ideas are more realistic, or will succeed they can break down their brainstorm ideas into one plan that will get the maximum gain for both parties. The goal for this final decision is to get a win-win solution a solution that answers both the parties needs and leaves them both feeling satisfied.
brainstorm ways to meet needs of each party
moving on to brainstorming the two or more people within the conflict after hearing one another out and learning, each one’s needs, will begin to think of ways to attempt to resolve the conflict. Wealth brainstorming, they will take all the information they have learned from their connecting and identifying of each other’s feelings, it is important at this time for both parties to be respectful towards one another and open to anything the other comes up with. Even if some of the ideas will seem absurd in the moment it is better to have all of them out to look at between the two parties so that they may come up with their final solution towards their conflict. That may have seemed absurd before working together now could be the outcome they are looking for thanks to the fact that they are now able to collaborate without fighting.
connect to the humanity of the other
The first step in the force step process towards gaining a win-win solution is connecting to the humanity of the other. Both parties must understand that they are in fact, not enemies, but just two people with different wants and needs. But many at time people find that there wants may clash, but their needs do not. but to start the process of collaboration people must connect to one another. By using the previously stated principles and practices of collaborative problems solving two people are able to come to the understanding that they have a better chance gaining what they want by working together. To do this, they must both have credulity for one another. only through this principle and holding the understanding that you were both humans with unique desires can understand the benefits of collaborating.
self-assertion assert
self-assertion is the second practice in collaborative problem-solving. When one self asserts, they stay out their positions to their partner so that their partner may understand how they are feeling and even though they are the ones talking they must still keep up. The principles stated above well self asserting people should avoid attempting to persecute or insult. Their partner one must still have compassion with them and understand their point of view well still keeping firm to their own wants and needs.
empathetic listening
empathetic listening is the first practice when it comes to one maintaining friendly communication between them and their partner during collaborative problem-solving. To be an empathetic listener, one must take the principles stated above and use them to understand their partner and how they are feeling. one must use credulity and have actual interest in their partners feelings emotions once and needs so that they may understand their partners point of view. One must also be able to connect to their humanity and see them as an equal, and have compassion about their situation.
humanity is about understanding that all people are connected, and that people all have different goals, but this does not mean that people are unable to work collaboratively to achieve both their goals at the same time. Respecting the others, humanity, and the other respecting ones humanity is the only way to have an effectively collaborative dialogue between two people.
compassion is seeing the other person and there struggle and as an equal that has struggle just like you. And understand that you don’t have to see them as an obstacle. a transformation in our views of the other person in a conflict, no longer seeing them as the bad guy and as an independent other.
self compassion on the other hand is understanding that one is only a person and that Just like they gave compassion to their partner, one must give compassion to themselves to be able to hold true to their beliefs and find a true win-win solution
credulity genuine curiosity as a way to understand the credible feelings the other has and how there have come to there prospective.why what makes sense them makes sense to them. seeing the fact that there are diverse opinions is the start of a conversation that will understand you have something to learn form others.
